My first post in 2011. Emotion of your departure seems to be within our ability to maintain our composure. Fact about your death can't be argue. . 3years, that how long you left us, the hurt you caused had faded as the times flies, i supposed on the surface?

Meeting new friends, making new contacts are part of my life. Usually further development of the relationship tends to probe more into personal sharing. "Siblings?" my reply " One elder sister and younger brother!" that's my proud reply. My words evoked my thoughts into a emotional state, but it a state different from the past. A calm emotional state, a state where my thoughts goes..."Siong, where are you? Are you doing well? How nice if we can have second chance and be brothers , cherishing each other more than ever", However that's life, missed the boat, there you're gone.

Happy 2011!!

Xiao Siong, it's a brand new year. It's year 2011. Almost 2 1/2 year since you left us. In a blink of eyes, all the moments still running in my mind, It seem like yesterday!! I believe the sadness I felt is nothing compare to Uncle, Aunty, Kor Kor & Jie Jie but still, memories of your's always lingers in my heart!

You are such a wonderful friend! Someone I cherish and will always remember.

Lots of misses,

Ling.

My dear beloved brother making his wish in his very own words,own writing......We are proud of you, We love you Siong. .....


(To Enlarge:Right Click, Open in New Window)

A note from Jie.......

25/07/08...
I still remember this date clearly... I came home after helping out at Western Chow Ghim Moh, only to found that I can't watch the TV in my room bcos you had tampered with the adaptor. As usual, i was furiously mad, called you, scolded you harshly & hang up. What surprises me next was, for your character, you would have rebuke me.. But you did not! Instead, you sent a series of SMS, apologised profusely to me. Well, need not to say, I was touched & you make me feel so guilty scolding you..
Siong :"Jie, sorry..next time I will ask you 1st."
Jie :"ok, I am sorry for being rude too."
Siong :"next time, I won't be rude to you, papa & mama."

This was our last sms.. Not long after, you called me & for the 1st time, we had a long heart to heart talk on the phone. It was a very pleasant & memorable conversation.

26/07/08... 1130pm.. You clad in a Light green tee, jeans & wore my black Westar watch. Just like any energetic young fellow, you were happily ready to go out with your friends on a Saturday night after work..
Jie : "去那里?" - going where?
Siong: "出去" - out.
Jie :＂没有驾 motor?" - not riding motor
Siong: "没有，驾 van" - no, driving van.
Jie: ＂驾 van 不要喝酒啊!＂- don't drink & drive yah!
Siong: ＂不会的！我好不容易拿到 licence！＂- I won't! It's not easy for me to obtain the licence!
Jie: ＂ok，不要太迟回啊！＂- ok, don't come home too late!
Siong：＂哦！" - orh!

This.. was our last conversation... I will never forget our last SMS & conversation... Everything came so sudden. You did not fullfill your promise to be filial to papa & mama. Breana is 18Ms now & I expect her to snatch food from you bcos you always tax on mine. I tried very hard not to eat BBQ stingray, BBQ chicken wings, hokkien mee & drink bubble tea bcos these were your favourite.. Fangling, Vivian... Reminded me of you too. I can't help but feel upset..

Because of friendship, you lost your life... Is it worth?? But I know you would not want us to badmouth about them, your so-called "brothers"... You rather let us heartbreak for losing & missing you dearly than to lose those "2 friends"... But I know those 2 will be guilty for the rest of their lives as they lost you, a dear friend who is always all out for them...

Although it's already 2years, but everything seems like yesterday. The scene outside A&E, our last moments together at ICU, the 3 days wake... It really hit papa & mama badly as you are their creation of love. Kor was traumatized by your death bcos he saw you thru your coma till your last breath & return you back to GOD... Kor loves you most. My love for you really can't compare to theirs. But you know I love you from all your food request almost daily, the apparels & shoes & whatever you wanted, I always tried my best to give you... Oh yah.. U still owed me money hor & where's my PS2 har?? I have not play my PSP since you left bcos you were always the one borrowing & playing it.

On Monday 26/07/10, kor & Kathy brought Damien to my place. Kor asked him to name the person in his wedding family pic. When he pointed at you, Damien said " 雄雄叔叔＂. 28Ms+ Damien knows about you & very soon, little Breana will start calling you too. Really wish you were here to play & carry them... It's just my wishful thinking...

Siong, 11.50pm then,on a Saturday, last week of July 2008...then you give me a gesture 'bye' at the shop....and there you went off forever......

Now, 11.50pm on the same Saturday of the month, 2010....The tears shed for you have been endless.

Tears of Sadness, that you will not be with us anymore and the loss of you sadden us more than anything else.

Tears of Sympathy, that your life had been tough and you were lost in directions, lost in this world.

Tears of Pain, the pain to see you struggling through your last moments, the pain that you endured, the pain in knowing what you are going thru, the pain of knowing that we were helpless, the pain knowing your desperation for help.

Tears of Fears, fear how my this 'baby' brother who always seek for help, is gonna be on himself where no help is coming...

Tears of Anguish, on the silliness and foolishness of yours, on the stubbornness of yours.

Tears of Relived, that your "HELP" came. GOD took you. He loves you as much as we does, HIM knows what good for you..

Tears of Joy, that your departure touched and moved people, bringing them closer to Christ. We are proud of you, Siong.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3t2szLDaCIU

Time flies, all of us have been so busy with work, with our family that before we realise, it another year.

Mum called me and talked about Siong, then the sense of loss struck me again. when he was around, we too don't always hang out together, but knowing a fact that a phone call we can reached each other.

Now, we know he's gone. The thought of no medium tools were able to contact him really instill fear into us. In two months time, it Siong 2nd anniversary, how sad to think about it again. That day will always replayed clearly.

As a parent now, i sympathize my dad & mum going thru the death of their child.

Our Father in Heaven,I ask for your guidance and ask for your grace to strengthen my parent,i ask this in the name of Jesus, our saviour. Amen

'Did you told your Siong that you guys not staying there anymore(our flat been rented)?' i have been asked by this question...

'Because he may 'go back' and can't find you guys....' i was told

Sound eerie right...ok,there's actually many angles to look at it and many arguments to debate on it.

If from Christianity point of view, we can shove off and it does not fall into our belief.
If from other religion, there's a possibility that the spirit came back and maybe it evil in disguise
If from a free-thinker, there's never such thing at all

So how?

We desire for GOD take this son of his. Satan in disguise will be handle with, no fear but anger for evil had disguise as my dear brother. there will never will be such thing again one day in HIM kingdom....

There's was a young chap who was just like any teenager on the streets, rebellious?defiant? He simply likes to challenge his family, i mean most of us went through it. Once during an argument he said "I dont need you all to care about me, it my life, it my friends, dont speak bad about them. I going to leave this home"....

That's Siong...

Who did he called for help each time he got into trouble?
Who were the ones that hurt most during his death?
Who were the ones that till today every single day think of him?
Who were the ones that suffer in his death?


Think twice again....who are our loved ones?

Siong our birthday fall within one month....Today's mine, i know you with me...Love & Misss u

"Amazing grace how Sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was ost, but now i' found

I was blind, Lord but now I see

Through many dangers,

toils and snares

That we've already past

T'was grace that brought us safe thus far

And grace will lead us home

When we been thre

ten thousand years

Bright shinning as the sun

Cos we found this grace to

seek our faith

Lord as when we first begun"

Something to share with everyone as Shawn Birthday is approaching...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOR_aTsa6x0

Mum had been pestering me to clear up the house as we handing over to the incoming tenants, and i had been avoiding for the past few days....

Avoid being too emotional...
Avoid that memories of Siong will flow...
Avoid that my tears will flow too....
Avoid that kind of sadness, pain i had to go through

Knowing that my old folks were packing at home, i decided to drop by and do my part too...

Upon entering the house, the kind of mixed feelings just `took over' me...it seems like yesterday only when Siong and me were teasing each other in the house, and it too seem like recently we just had a argument in the same residence......

The next scene flashed into my mind...the scene of his coffin being moved to the void deck, the scene when i enter his room on 280708, i knew he was gone...the scene that we mourn for his death...

When i went in our room, the feel of his presence just linger. From his fav shirt to fav shoes, or his photos, his bike accessories just too much for me to handle emotionally. I broke down (again!)

Death, something we had to go through one day, but losing a loved family member thru death is something that we dun wan to go thru..Any kind of death is painful, but for us we celebrated his birth and went thru his last days simply made the situation worse.....

Last Night during my RCIA (Catholic) class, i was asked: Which part of the baptism ceremony touch you most?

I had been two different baptism, one was Damien, other was yours, Siong....

In your death bed, with tubes all over, fighting on for survival....

In the enclosed ICU, everyone kept to themselves, there's slient and peace,

God sent Fr Joseph for the Baptism " Shawn, i baptist you In the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.."

Siong, be good....we love you


Kor

Sis was 'wanted' as two of the staffs went for reservist, so finally after so many months she's back at the stall. Buisness was good, everybody was working together and blending very well. Dad serving, Sis taking order, Mum making sure plates, utensils are sufficient. Together with another two staffs, we were busy dishing out the food..frankly speaking it been a long time since i was involved 100% in operation...

Suddenly, Siong came into my mind...Dad busy, Mum & Sis too...i used to team with Siong...Siong? He's not there with us...... I tried to hold my tears back,but in vain.

Siong, i tried to move on,

In this lifetime, we are fated to be brothers, it a blessing. In the kingdom of God, we will still be brothers, it God's will.

That's my belief, my faith. I will see you there, Siong.

Kor Kor

I put on your boots, your SBO, your full pack..wow everything looks new cause you had just completed your NS and me going back for my reserveist, where i lost most of my gear all this years.

No taboo of wearing your things, Siong.In fact i felt a sense of closeness and it seems we are so close as brothers again, it seems you are just beside me. Recalling those days we shared our shoes, clothes, jeans (till when i started gaining weight, ha)....anyway Siong, i missed those days very much.


Kor Kor

Jesus said to his disciples: ‘If your brother does something wrong, go and have it out with him alone, between your two selves. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you: whatever the misdemeanour, the evidence of two or three witnesses is required to sustain the charge. But if he refuses to listen to these, report it to the community; and if he refuses to listen to the community, treat him like a gentile or a tax collector.

‘In truth I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

‘In truth I tell you once again, if two of you on earth agree to ask anything at all, it will be granted to you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three meet in my name, I am there among them.’



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TODAY'S POINTERS ON GOD'S WORD
As you read the passage what words, phases or meanings caught your attention?


In today’s Gospel Jesus urges His disciples to try to win back those have caused division in the community through their sinful ways. He advises persuasion with compassion and love, instead admonishing the person with harsh words and judgmental ways .

When we restore and reconcile broken relationships in our community, through our love for our neighbours as Jesus Himself has shown us, we could have won back a soul for God .


Pray to have the grace and wisdom to be God’ s instrument of healing love and peace.



source:http://www.jesuit.org.sg/html/prayer/gospel.pointers/20090812.html

"Hail Mary, full of grace the Lord is with you;
Blessed are you among women,
And blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners now
And at the hour of our death,
Amen"

"Glory be to the Father and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now and
ever shall be, world without end.
Amen"

The build-up of the last days of Siong was something which sadden all of us. I believe no one wants to keep the memory of Siong limited to the last few days of his. Then why we kept harping on it? I believed the impact of Siong's departure had left a dent in us.

It takes time, hopefully.

"Siong, we all know you feel worse than any of us now.
We lost you only,but you lost so many of us.
We know you had move on and We will move on from here.
One day, we never know when.... We will meet again,
......in the Kingdom of GOD"

Pa, Ma, Jie, Jeremy,

Kor,Kathy Ann,

Baby Damien & Baby Breana

After the scan, they ushered me to the ICU where Siong was. I met up with the neurosurgeon, he echoed Dr Chua's words...in further details, confirming my worst fears.

They will constantly monitored Siong condition and provide full life-saving medical support, till he can self-sustain since he's young, BUT if it reached a point where it exceed the limit, then it will be soley on his own determination and will.

In other words, is the doctors telling me 'it just a matter of time".....

The next difficult task was breaking the updates and situation to Pa, Ma and Jie who had been waiting at the general area...

As i approached them, i told myself there's no need to paint a good picture, eventually they will know.....Mum rushed to me, "Can see him? He can talk or not?....Sis interrupting 'How's Siong, we go and see him now?'...Dad only gave me blank stare....

Gathering all of them with Uncle Eddie, Aunt Jane (and family), I calmly " OK..." pause for couple of seconds, i continued "Pa, Ma...Siong Siong will not make it, it any time...."

You could imagine what next.......the pain of a parent bring up a child, seeing him hurt and worse....death. I fully be with my Dad & Mum, since i'm a parent myself.....

We kept by his bedside, talking to him, the words, the feeling that everyone had for him was touching and he would had felt loved..from friends of all walks of life, relatives..everyone just start streaming in...

Too, everyone left with tears and sadness.

The 1st sign of failure was about 6pm, team of doctors and nurses rushed in to salvage the situation when his blood pressure dropped.

Father Joseph came in at about 9pm.Fr Jo was kind and nice enough even when i told him about our family religion background.

Fr Jo with a low and convincing tone.." Shawn may not know Christ, should he done good to his brothers and sisters (fellow humans), he will be there with HIM, just like the Sheep & Goats (in Bible)" ...

"Thanks Father" acknowledging him

Without any hesitation, Fr continued " Let's do our part, and leave the rest to GOD..."
Fr Jo gave a prayer and baptised Siong even there were some controversy issue over Siong baptism.

The night fell deeper, I ask Dad & Mum to go back and rest. Wife left too, as baby was at home.

In the ICU ward left SIong and me, I want to spend the night with him, sensing that he may go any time, i want to cherish the last moments. We 'talked' through the night, "talked" about those days he was young and i will bring him roam the streets with tamiya cars, football and how he always get into trouble during NS, and i "talked' about my complaint about him....

It was a 'talk' that only i was doing, he 'talk' with his tears flowing down......it was sensational, did he really heard me?

I was sobbing, at the same time i asked Siong " If it your will to fight on, go ahead. don't hold back any limits, don't worry about the bills, the care, the burden, i will handle, But if you think you prefer to go, too don't worry, Kor will take care of the family"

Siong made his choice. At 8am, while i was taking my breakfast in the same building, the nurse called as the neurosurgeon wanted to update me. He said " We had reached the limit of the dosage but it seems his blood-pressure keep plunging. Whether he can make it will really depend on himself, if not he will not make it by today"

I wanted to scream and whack the surgeon, but it no fault of his.

Throughout the day, everyone came and gave their last words, their last touch.

We watch helplessly as he was slipping away from life slowly, the plunge in BP, and finally his life was ceased at 10.35pm.........28 July 2008

Siong had to went through certain scanning or X-ray to access the next move by the team, Dr Chua told me that it will be up to the Neurosurgeon to decide whether they will operate him after the results of the scan.

"Dr, why it means? There's a possibility he's not going to be operated?" a teary me asked

"Fabian, I going to prepare you for the worst, though i'm just an A&E Dr, but i had to be frank with you, judging from previous cases, Shawn will not make it, even he did, it also not something you want to see him in the state"...

I tried to find my composure and trying hard not to be emotion. I request for the initial assessment of Siong technical conditions.

Dr Chua took out a paper, she illustrated with explanation " Upon admission, he was losing blood intensively, blood pressure was very low. our priority is to restore these conditions...Then, we had identify that his head a suffered a tremendous hard knock, that result in severe brain damage, furthermore his spinal cord had broke to a irreversible condition"

"Irreversible?" i slumped myself to the chair, my world turn totally silent, "God, why?"......

Upon arrived at TTSH, I was received by A&E Dr Chua...She asked me " You are Chiow Phee Siong's elder brother?"

"Ya Dr, how's... my... brother?" i uttered

"Fabian...." She held my arms firmly, " Chances to survive very low, go in the see him now"....

Again, my mind lost...I kneel down and begged her to saved him..."Dr, please do whatever you can, please Dr, please....his life depends on you..." I cried out like a small baby......

I went into the A&E operating ward, saw Siong...in his torn jeans and shirt soaked with blood lying on a bed too with pool of blood, with tubes all over him.. my legs gave way, i held his hand tight, with his eyes half open but unconscious. I pray over him in my breaking voice...

Then gave him my rosary..."Dun be scared Siong, Kor Kor is here..." There was no more expression, but i could sense he is fighting this battle..."

"Ring! Ring!" the old school ring tone of my mobile phone..

"Hello, who's that" looking at an unfamilar no calling me at 7am Sunday morning....

"Kor, I'm Ah Long (Siong's friend)..." the voice replied.

"What happened?" sensing something wrong, ,my first thought: Could he be arressted for something?.

""Kor...Kor..." the voice cracked "You quickly come over to TTSH, Siong got into an accident, and doctor asked us to contact his family members, cause he may not make it!"

My whole world crash...My heart weaken, I'm totally stunned and totally lost.....

Woke wife up, told her it emergency, I HAD TO RUSH.....what was going through my mind for the next couple of minutes were in a mess, never did i felt this way before, lost my composure, lost my emotions, i broke down as i start the car...

I keep telling myself, "calm and composure Fabian...."

How am i going to tell Pa and Ma, How i going to tell Sis, she expecting what if she can't take it...Ok, lets be optimistic it may not as serious as claimed, i will go down NOW.

During my journey down, i called up Uncle Eddie, told him everything,and once i got the latest development i will update him.

If things are bad, break the news to Pa & Ma in person and bring them down...............

"Well Done guys!" I went into the kitchen giving everybody a pat...

It had been a busy day, and during dinner the crowd were unusually more today. The feeling being in kitchen operation is not how well you can dish out a meal, it how well everyone blend together, just like any great football team, mataining our composure during peak is something very challegening.

Siong, himself was extremely well, keep his cool and composure....maintaining the consistency of the dishes, we all know he always had that kind of flair in culinary.

As usual, everybody will gathered at the carpark before dismissal. At this point, Siong hopped on a colleague's bike and teasing him by riding off the bike, he shouted "Bye everyone!"..........

It was his last words to me......

Kor Kor

It 26th July 2008, the last Saturday of the month (just like today)

At 11am as usual, the guys will be preparing for the weekend business, the preparation work and operation varies slightly from weekdays. Weekends normally expect more crowds in our business.

Siong, looked tired and lethargic, which is not his usual self and keep to himself.

Simon showing his concern “Siong, you ok?”…A shrug of his shoulder was the reply Simon received. These guys spent 12 hours a day, six days a week, it very common that if they can simply read one another behaviour.

About 2pm, there was slight conflict in work issues and sensing something amiss, Simon highlighted to me. Since Siong was involved and suspecting he could be still holding a grudge for not approving his leave. I decided to have a talk with him.

In work, it always easier to manage outsider than family members and avoiding the issue will only aggravate it. Nevertheless, I took the task and playing a role of a brother and a boss.

Both of us lighted up a cigarette to ease any tensions, I decide to go soft “Siong, what happened?” He kept silent.

I persisted “You have to relate to me your side of story before we can go further…”

Silent again.

The talk was not going anywhere, I decided to emphasis on my points “ Siong, I know you still angry with me not letting you off today, but you had to understand that………”

“ I know lah !...” interrupting before I could finished.

In a very impatient manner, from the work issue it shift to a personal performance I talk to him. My approach was firm, decisive yet re-affirmed his ability and hopefully he see it himself. Ultimately, I gave him a choice of his own whether he wants to continued.

Suddenly he burst into tears…“Kor, what choice I have! I’m poor with my languages! I’m not highly educated…Kor you know or not!”... in his breaking voice and choking back on his tears.

My hearts broke in pain, My tears streamed in sadness.

My dear brother had been feeling inferior, he felt left out. Even being outstanding in sports and work, he felt he was lesser in terms of academics. Never did I know he felt so much for his academic performance till that day, as his peers and colleagues even sis and I were quite similar in terms of academics. We were complacent, totally.

Always, we take things for granted. In life, at times we are so concerned and sensitive in everybody’s feeling. From our friends, our colleagues to our superior etc….but what bout our loved ones, our family……..There’s no regrets nor any ‘If only’…there’s only compassion sentiments for this young boy who too had dreams like you and me.

For us, we are still striving for our goals,
For Siong, he left the world without achieving his objective……

Siong,I keep my FAITH in GOD that you had achieved more than all of us now being in the Kingdom of HIM....everlasting...

Kor Kor

It was 24 July 2008, at about 11.45pm i received a call from Siong after work when he reached home.



"Kor, can i take off on this Sat 27th July?" he requested.



I declined his request, and reminded him that we must draw a line clear between work and personal. It a weekend, nobody were allowed any OFF, furthermore he's already a full time staff..so NO was the decision.





As his usual self, he argued "Why can't! I have important event! The lion dance needs me, there's a event..."



"I need you too." i firmly maintain my stand



"Why must we work and work, no meaning in life!" sounding depressed.



Knowing he was facing aftermaths of a break-up, I understand he might be feeling down but yet i had to maintain my stand at work.



At a age of 20, i believed there's certain level of maturity and understanding which we have not been through. It may seems the direction and priority were a contrast compared to now. Siong did not have the opportunity to see the contrast in himself, in his life. One thing for sure, in this KINGDOM he in now, Siong will understand better,Amen.

Kor Kor

Siong, after much thoughts, in memory of you i had decide to relate my feelings and the events of 27 July 08 onwards...lets share with everyone how you fought bravely with death......

A small little video in memory of our brother, in 1:26, he call out to Dad....'Pa', and i believed it something Dad had been longing for the past year...

10 days to Siong 1st anniversary 28 Aug 08, in fact 27 Aug 08 was the worst.....

On the day of 27 Aug 08.....so many events to relate to

St Anne Church feast day, a traditional event where my mother-in-law will do her part in selling chicken wings....

Cousin Winne' baby birthday celebration......

Cousin Dylan 'wedding gifts' to his in-laws......

And this year on this day of 27th of Aug, relatives are gathering for a light dinner for our late grandpa's birthday, i supposed.

And I supposed we will not be attending......our apology.

Kor Kor

"Di, quick hold Mum!" my sis anxiously pulled my hand towards mum to lean as a support.

"Hold on to Mum ok, i go and made a phone call to Dad!" she instructed calmly...

I panicky asked "Jie, how? What i'm going to do?"

"Just wait!" She impatiently screamed..."Orh...ok ok" i answer unwillingly and looked away...

I turned to Mum, " Ma, you ok? you are in pain?"

Mum reply me in her assurance tone "Don't worry, i'm fine"

At this point Sis returned, in her look-alike commanding style, she in her steady manner " Ok Di, Dad is not answering the call, and it emergency now. We take a cab, then i will leave you with neighbour and Dad will fetch you later, meanwhile i rushed Mum to hospital...ok"

"Orh..." me again

"But...Jie...why Mum in pain....?" I persisted

" Aiyah...Baby Siong Siong coming out lah!" she happily told me....

It was 26 October 1987, Sis was only 10 years old, and me only 8 years old. We were on the way to market in Chong Pang in the morning, when mum felt that she was about to deliver. A young boy at that time could not comprehend some of the events, but remembering it was not difficult.

Sis took Mum to Mount Elizabeth where the opening chapter of Baby Siong Siong life began later in the day.

20 years down the road, 27 Jul 08 we too took Mum to hospital, but it TTSH....for a heart breaking closing chapter of our dear Brother Siong Siong......

We missed You, Siong

Kor Kor

Baby Damien & Baby Breana, the latest members hoping onboard of our family line. Joy and excitement that two of them bring to us for past year. Damien have been growing not only bigger but cheeky, in fact he is not baby anymore, toddler- i supposed. Breana too getting her shape as the day goes, smiley little girl.

One thing for sure when two of them are grown-up eventually, they will be curious to find out who is 'Uncle Siong Siong'.... who left the world as they were coming to this world. Damien was only 3 months old, Breana was only a couple of months in the womb.

Siong came over my place when Damien was 1 week old, trying his best to carry him and i too felt his excitement. When the news of expecting Breana, Siong shared with me that once Breana is born, he will want a photograph with him holding both of them high up.

Siong, though it impossible now.....

I believed Damien & Breana will hold you high up too...in their hearts.

Kor Kor

18 days to your 1st anniversary of departure, Siong. My heart is thumping each day as your anniversary approaching, i believed it goes the same for Pa, Ma, Jie, Jeremy, Da-sao. I wonder anyone with excellent eloquent skill or vocab will able to describe the kind of sentiments we are roughing through, i bet none.

Siong, i do admit nowdays i hold back looking at photograh of yours, i cant hold back any emotions anymore. It time to admit i'm not being strong anymore or rather i wasn't at all this while, since 27 July 08. The initial period, from hospital till today...i seems to be the strongest, but i'm the weakest, i seems to accept it, but i can't.

At times, I'm in a denial stage, denied why my younger brother passed away at 20 yrs old, denied why he had met with such fatal accident, why must be him...so many whys.

Contradicting myself, for HIM to take him back, there must be a good reason, we will never how GOD works his wonder. GOD know what best for us...

I go for the latter, so lets keep our faith strong at the same time lets put our hearts together and cried out in memory of our dear brother, Siong Siong.

Kor Kor

His smiling way and pleasant face

Are a pleasure to recall;

He has a kind word for each

And died beloved by all.

Some day we hope to meet him

Some day, we know not when,

To clasp his hand in the better land,

Never to part again.

Kor Kor

God took him home, it was His Will,

But in our hearts we love him still,

His memory is as dear today As in the hour he passed away.

We often sit and think of him When we are all alone;

For memory is the only friend

That grief can call its own.

PaPa,MaMa,

Jie,Jeremey,

Kor,Da-Sao

Baby Damien & Baby Breana

We are naive creatures. We still want him to appear infront of us, the urge to see him no words can describe. Strange, we should be in celebration of his life, and HIM had a good reason why him was taken back to HIM kingdom. Are we 'man of little faith' on HIM, just like when Jesus rebuked his apostles on a stormy sea journey?

"My Lord, we give this wonderful thanks to you for this wonderful day and we look forward to a better day with your blessing. Do forgive our sins and do forgive us should our faith fail us. Lord, do gave us the strength to strengthen our faith. And keep Siong in your good hands. We ask this through Our Saviour, Jesus, Amen."

A glance of 25 more days will be Siong 1st year anniversary, and currently it made me realised that this month seems so difficult not to think about Siong.

Though we know he left us for a good cause, GOD had his reason for what happened, after all we are still humans and the emotion still runs high . That fatal day had been replaying in my mind daily, just can't help it. Lets keep Siong in our daily prayers regardless of religion, as all for a common ground- good faith.

Here's a prayer for Siong Siong:

"Our Father in Heaven, eternal rest grant onto Siong Siong oh Lord, and let the perpetual light shine upon him.

May he rest in peace.

Amen"

Kor Kor

Life and Death, that's everyone of us had and will go through one day. The question we usually ask, how do we prefer to 'go' if given a choice.

Siong, Grandpa had just passed away at 2020hrs at the age of 97.The mood among the camp was moderate well, everyone manage to be there in time before he leave. The situation was well taken and manage, it also a fact that it just a matter of time when Grandpa will leave as his health have been poor. It seems that Grandpa wants to give a break to those who had tirelessly taking care of him for all these years. At 97, instead we mourn i think we should celebrate his life.

Anyway, flashing back to 28 Jul 08 the situation was a total contrast. No one had expected, No one was given a chance to react, no one could understand how a young man at 20 years old is going in this tragic fatal way. No one could dare to give a thought how he crashed at a high speed, how he struggle in the ambulance fighting his life, how he fought again for two days. and finally...

Next month marks Siong's 1 year anniversary in GOD kingdom. The thought of you still linger within us. Be a good, Grandpa will take care you.

Kor Kor

Dearest Siong, Jie gave birth to little Breana on 13th Jan... during labor, you came into my mind.. i cried, not because of pain but ur niece dont have the chance to be carried & loved by u, dont have the chance to fight over food with u.. i missed u so much... when i went through the labor, i also thought of how painful Ma was, cos she carried u in her womb for 10mths, raised u 20yrs & u left her suffering here before u. Everyday, when i carry little Breana in my arms in front of ur pic... my tears rolled down like a stream of fast flowing river... tat fateful day was so clear in my mind tat it seems like just yday. We believe u r in the safe arms of GOD & will watch over us from up there... love u..

JIE JIE

Does Attitude of one determine our fate? or rather by influence of external factors that contribute to our fate. Siong departure had initiate me to further think about this issue.

Born in a big family of cousins of similar age-group, sub-consciously we may tends to compare with one another. Even our parents did that when we were younger in our academics too. As we progress into our teens, where materialistic things become the priority, in all aspect from shoes, to jeans,watch.....etc

'The grass on the other side is always greener' as saying goes. We are never satisfied with what we have, instead we are envy of our cousins, friends " Why his parents can buy for him this, why mine cant!"

When i was 18 years old, excitement roar in me of getting a car licence and hopefully dad can work out a car of any models. The thought of it really makes you great...But those days, financially our family are not doing well, then come again thought of getting a Class 3 seems unachievable, not to mention 'a car' , i can simply day dream of it. So motorbikes was the next cheaper and affordable alternatives, so got my licence, got my bike, hangout with the bikers gang, on the road showing off our machines....at times asking myself why cousins of mine licence and cars are 'sponsor' by their parents but not mine! Frustrating, Jealous,Envy, whatever feelings start to fill me...so to feel better i always self-motivate that i work hard to own my machines, proud of it. Sour grapes, you may think....

10 years later, it seems that what i went through, Siong is going through too. .The only difference is that i strongly disagree buying a car for him even we can afford, i want him to be independent. He argued why cousins of his generation own cars, their family buy this, paid that and he gotta work for himself. Message was clear from me: if he cant afford, don't drive. very simple.

Like me, he too opt for the two-wheelers, Like me, he hangout with groups of bikers, Like me, he roam the road with his terrificing machine, But UNLIKE me i survived, Siong did not make it.....he did not...

SO whether his attitude or the machine fails him, i have no answer.

Siong, in one way or another, we are proud that you work hard for your bike.


Kor Kor

Humans behavior are 'built' in such a complex way which diffcuilt to understand. Everyone knew that we are to deal with the loss of Siong in one or another way, different ways i supposed. But interestingly the result will always end similiarly; we want to think of him, miss him, 'speak' to him. We want to cry sliently, thinking of this guy who had fill lots of memories, emotions in our small humble hearts.

8 months, that how long Siong had depart from this world and leaving most of us in every heart-breaking moments. Whether how many still remenber you doesnt matter, as saying goes 'Lost in Sight, Lost in heart'.

No words can describe the loss of Siong.....

Lets not refrain ourselves, go to our favourite corner in the house and think of our beloved brother and lets cry our hearts out........



Kor Kor

2009, a year which we enter with new hopes and dreams. One will always been looking forward a better career,better relationship and better life as a whole. As saying 'Life is full of Surprises,unpredictable'. Neverthless we constantly build our dreams, building our future and at times being complacent what we possessed, what we are blessed with. In reality, we live our life by seconds.

Twenty years.... or rather Twenty years and Ten months, thats the period we build our dreams,hopes and future together. Though being a elder brother, i become more of a discipline master to him. Strict house rules, endless nagging, ferious fights i had with him when he was younger. SIONG never liked it, and i knew! As he grown, just like any teens he had his own group of network in any dimensions, the approach diversifying into understanding and influencing. Like most teens, you and me went through the era too, friends were everything, relationships problems seems never-ending. Family is important (no doubts), but nagging never fails to be the ingredients in them or the usual 'this can do, this cannot do', again it them, Family.

SIONG remains close to the family, he is always part any business plan we venture. He shared his problems selectively to selective family member only so no one will be 'know-all' person, this occurred always during in his most desperate times, when he really need help. But not always help is provided due to various reasons. A soft in heart, strong in head boy, he concern and worried for his future, yet temptation set in and leads him away.

Anguish, Frustration, Impatience,when he trapped in temptations, no one can help not even GOD, if focus and determination is lacking. Awesome, Inspiring and Charming, when he displayed his talents, his willingness to overcome difficulities, his quick-thinking mind. SIONG seems to be caught in between devil and angel in his life. When he was lost, directions were set in, he lost again, direction set in again and so on....28 July 2008, whether devil or angel won over him, we do not know, and will never know.

But i know 'the family' never fail to miss him, not a day passes without SIONG in our thoughts, hearts and prayer. Time will heal the wound, not for the family......

We love you Siong

Kor Kor

We miss you, so much so much........!

i miss you!

Siong, did you realised how much we miss you? upon editing this photo, my heart cried! something which is just so normal but it seem so painful for me! teach me how to be strong! teach me how to move on!!

FROM : FABIAN KOR KOR

Fangling and gang, thanks for the effort for making a memorable one. if i am not wrong, the cake is quite special, got picture send to me okay. please extend our appreciation to the rest, your mum, sis, nick and everyone. Thanks

xiao siong 21st birthday

It was Siong 21st birthday today! Got him a birthday cake, pizza, cheese fries, strawberry ice blend and some home made curry. Think alot of people went down today as there was so many flowers there. Tricia jie jie, Fabian kor kor, his wife, little damian, daddy & mummy was there too. Siong, hope you are happy! we wish u never ending happiness and we really do miss you, so much! we believe Lord will take good care of you and you will always be safe with the Lord! we know you are a good boy now and i believe you want everyone to move on like how you did!! Be strong everyone! i guess that is the birthday wish Siong make for his 21st birthday!!!

i miss you!!

3 more days to siong 21st birthday!
i believe in everyone heart, siong live on forever!!
till now, most of us still can't accept the fact that siong was

already called home by the lord.
he live on, forever!!
will days really heal the wound of losing our beloved siong siong?
nobody know and i believe it will really take a thousand months to recover.
without him around is just like living in black and white!
i just can't face the fact!! i talk and tears about him with all my close friends
but still, he will never look back!
life is just too fragile to waste!!
treasure the one you love before it's too late!

posted by : dandan

the best i ever had!!

you are the best of all. a guy who was friendly and nice guy. he will never reject your help and will always be there when you need him.

he will never reject other, he will always try his best to help you. having him as a friend is the most lucky thing in life.

that is the reason why we love him the most

Our Zoo Trip On 24th May 03

our one & only shawn

the memories you brought us will never be replaced

you will always be living in our heart!

the previous post was a copy and paste from deslin blog.
enjoy the photo and leave the wording alone =) thanks

little siong!!!

the handsome him [shawn chiow phee siong]

on his brother big day.

the sweetest smile on him.

you are so vain! something that had never change since young.

i found some photo of us in a photo album. the memory of us. the sweet moment of love, care & share. here are some photo of us few years back.

if i don't remenber wrongly,we are heading to sparks n was in the train....

last time, we will always go clubbing every friday. u will always ask me like this dance ok?lidat le?can? thinking back,althought at that time was kind of piss off but at least something that make me remind you!!

this photo was taken at b618 where your dad sell western food. we both helped out at there. so many thing happen at b618. remember u was so AI MEI till u shave ur hair on ur leg. and one day,we was bored at work, u asked me to puck for you,remember? ah boon scolded us about this.

Siong,thanks for the memory..!

like this photo.i hope you will like it too. think we are home b4 heading out.

the family photo taken with you.thinking back it was really sweet.remember that i will always ask u to piggy me back home.u will complain that im fat but you will still piggy back me.those day at sembawang C.C. , clubbing , working at 1901 and the wonderful memory we had at your place will never be forget.

siong, sendin u till this far is what i can do! u are heading toward another world from the very moment on..! R.I.P siong. i believe god will take good care of u n make u a stronger boy. really miss the sweet smile on ur face.no matter wher u are,u will always be in my heart. althought i am not the girl u wish to see during u was on the hospital bed,at least i did what i wanna do,to walk finish your life path with you!!kor kor n jie told me that you always tell them about me when u and vivian quarrel.siong,althought u talk about me when the both of u quarrel but im really happy that at least u still remember me.do take care of yourself in the other world.remember no matter where you are,we will always remember you.i hope the true will be out soon so u can leave in peace.

the memory you had left behind. those day in school.i will always bully you,take away all your pocket money but u will never say a word.you are always so shy that u never dare to talk to me.the ah beng side of u is what other think.to me,you are a sweet n lovely boy.sincere n shy boy.siong,i will always remember the time we spend together.

the gathering i had missed out. im sorry!!

the sweet smile of yours will always live in my heart.

Siong Siong,R.I.P.!!