The build-up of the last days of Siong was something which sadden all of us. I believe no one wants to keep the memory of Siong limited to the last few days of his. Then why we kept harping on it? I believed the impact of Siong's departure had left a dent in us.

It takes time, hopefully.

"Siong, we all know you feel worse than any of us now.
We lost you only,but you lost so many of us.
We know you had move on and We will move on from here.
One day, we never know when.... We will meet again,
......in the Kingdom of GOD"

Pa, Ma, Jie, Jeremy,

Kor,Kathy Ann,

Baby Damien & Baby Breana

After the scan, they ushered me to the ICU where Siong was. I met up with the neurosurgeon, he echoed Dr Chua's words...in further details, confirming my worst fears.

They will constantly monitored Siong condition and provide full life-saving medical support, till he can self-sustain since he's young, BUT if it reached a point where it exceed the limit, then it will be soley on his own determination and will.

In other words, is the doctors telling me 'it just a matter of time".....

The next difficult task was breaking the updates and situation to Pa, Ma and Jie who had been waiting at the general area...

As i approached them, i told myself there's no need to paint a good picture, eventually they will know.....Mum rushed to me, "Can see him? He can talk or not?....Sis interrupting 'How's Siong, we go and see him now?'...Dad only gave me blank stare....

Gathering all of them with Uncle Eddie, Aunt Jane (and family), I calmly " OK..." pause for couple of seconds, i continued "Pa, Ma...Siong Siong will not make it, it any time...."

You could imagine what next.......the pain of a parent bring up a child, seeing him hurt and worse....death. I fully be with my Dad & Mum, since i'm a parent myself.....

We kept by his bedside, talking to him, the words, the feeling that everyone had for him was touching and he would had felt loved..from friends of all walks of life, relatives..everyone just start streaming in...

Too, everyone left with tears and sadness.

The 1st sign of failure was about 6pm, team of doctors and nurses rushed in to salvage the situation when his blood pressure dropped.

Father Joseph came in at about 9pm.Fr Jo was kind and nice enough even when i told him about our family religion background.

Fr Jo with a low and convincing tone.." Shawn may not know Christ, should he done good to his brothers and sisters (fellow humans), he will be there with HIM, just like the Sheep & Goats (in Bible)" ...

"Thanks Father" acknowledging him

Without any hesitation, Fr continued " Let's do our part, and leave the rest to GOD..."
Fr Jo gave a prayer and baptised Siong even there were some controversy issue over Siong baptism.

The night fell deeper, I ask Dad & Mum to go back and rest. Wife left too, as baby was at home.

In the ICU ward left SIong and me, I want to spend the night with him, sensing that he may go any time, i want to cherish the last moments. We 'talked' through the night, "talked" about those days he was young and i will bring him roam the streets with tamiya cars, football and how he always get into trouble during NS, and i "talked' about my complaint about him....

It was a 'talk' that only i was doing, he 'talk' with his tears flowing down......it was sensational, did he really heard me?

I was sobbing, at the same time i asked Siong " If it your will to fight on, go ahead. don't hold back any limits, don't worry about the bills, the care, the burden, i will handle, But if you think you prefer to go, too don't worry, Kor will take care of the family"

Siong made his choice. At 8am, while i was taking my breakfast in the same building, the nurse called as the neurosurgeon wanted to update me. He said " We had reached the limit of the dosage but it seems his blood-pressure keep plunging. Whether he can make it will really depend on himself, if not he will not make it by today"

I wanted to scream and whack the surgeon, but it no fault of his.

Throughout the day, everyone came and gave their last words, their last touch.

We watch helplessly as he was slipping away from life slowly, the plunge in BP, and finally his life was ceased at 10.35pm.........28 July 2008

Siong had to went through certain scanning or X-ray to access the next move by the team, Dr Chua told me that it will be up to the Neurosurgeon to decide whether they will operate him after the results of the scan.

"Dr, why it means? There's a possibility he's not going to be operated?" a teary me asked

"Fabian, I going to prepare you for the worst, though i'm just an A&E Dr, but i had to be frank with you, judging from previous cases, Shawn will not make it, even he did, it also not something you want to see him in the state"...

I tried to find my composure and trying hard not to be emotion. I request for the initial assessment of Siong technical conditions.

Dr Chua took out a paper, she illustrated with explanation " Upon admission, he was losing blood intensively, blood pressure was very low. our priority is to restore these conditions...Then, we had identify that his head a suffered a tremendous hard knock, that result in severe brain damage, furthermore his spinal cord had broke to a irreversible condition"

"Irreversible?" i slumped myself to the chair, my world turn totally silent, "God, why?"......

Upon arrived at TTSH, I was received by A&E Dr Chua...She asked me " You are Chiow Phee Siong's elder brother?"

"Ya Dr, how's... my... brother?" i uttered

"Fabian...." She held my arms firmly, " Chances to survive very low, go in the see him now"....

Again, my mind lost...I kneel down and begged her to saved him..."Dr, please do whatever you can, please Dr, please....his life depends on you..." I cried out like a small baby......

I went into the A&E operating ward, saw Siong...in his torn jeans and shirt soaked with blood lying on a bed too with pool of blood, with tubes all over him.. my legs gave way, i held his hand tight, with his eyes half open but unconscious. I pray over him in my breaking voice...

Then gave him my rosary..."Dun be scared Siong, Kor Kor is here..." There was no more expression, but i could sense he is fighting this battle..."

"Ring! Ring!" the old school ring tone of my mobile phone..

"Hello, who's that" looking at an unfamilar no calling me at 7am Sunday morning....

"Kor, I'm Ah Long (Siong's friend)..." the voice replied.

"What happened?" sensing something wrong, ,my first thought: Could he be arressted for something?.

""Kor...Kor..." the voice cracked "You quickly come over to TTSH, Siong got into an accident, and doctor asked us to contact his family members, cause he may not make it!"

My whole world crash...My heart weaken, I'm totally stunned and totally lost.....

Woke wife up, told her it emergency, I HAD TO RUSH.....what was going through my mind for the next couple of minutes were in a mess, never did i felt this way before, lost my composure, lost my emotions, i broke down as i start the car...

I keep telling myself, "calm and composure Fabian...."

How am i going to tell Pa and Ma, How i going to tell Sis, she expecting what if she can't take it...Ok, lets be optimistic it may not as serious as claimed, i will go down NOW.

During my journey down, i called up Uncle Eddie, told him everything,and once i got the latest development i will update him.

If things are bad, break the news to Pa & Ma in person and bring them down...............

"Well Done guys!" I went into the kitchen giving everybody a pat...

It had been a busy day, and during dinner the crowd were unusually more today. The feeling being in kitchen operation is not how well you can dish out a meal, it how well everyone blend together, just like any great football team, mataining our composure during peak is something very challegening.

Siong, himself was extremely well, keep his cool and composure....maintaining the consistency of the dishes, we all know he always had that kind of flair in culinary.

As usual, everybody will gathered at the carpark before dismissal. At this point, Siong hopped on a colleague's bike and teasing him by riding off the bike, he shouted "Bye everyone!"..........

It was his last words to me......

Kor Kor

It 26th July 2008, the last Saturday of the month (just like today)

At 11am as usual, the guys will be preparing for the weekend business, the preparation work and operation varies slightly from weekdays. Weekends normally expect more crowds in our business.

Siong, looked tired and lethargic, which is not his usual self and keep to himself.

Simon showing his concern “Siong, you ok?”…A shrug of his shoulder was the reply Simon received. These guys spent 12 hours a day, six days a week, it very common that if they can simply read one another behaviour.

About 2pm, there was slight conflict in work issues and sensing something amiss, Simon highlighted to me. Since Siong was involved and suspecting he could be still holding a grudge for not approving his leave. I decided to have a talk with him.

In work, it always easier to manage outsider than family members and avoiding the issue will only aggravate it. Nevertheless, I took the task and playing a role of a brother and a boss.

Both of us lighted up a cigarette to ease any tensions, I decide to go soft “Siong, what happened?” He kept silent.

I persisted “You have to relate to me your side of story before we can go further…”

Silent again.

The talk was not going anywhere, I decided to emphasis on my points “ Siong, I know you still angry with me not letting you off today, but you had to understand that………”

“ I know lah !...” interrupting before I could finished.

In a very impatient manner, from the work issue it shift to a personal performance I talk to him. My approach was firm, decisive yet re-affirmed his ability and hopefully he see it himself. Ultimately, I gave him a choice of his own whether he wants to continued.

Suddenly he burst into tears…“Kor, what choice I have! I’m poor with my languages! I’m not highly educated…Kor you know or not!”... in his breaking voice and choking back on his tears.

My hearts broke in pain, My tears streamed in sadness.

My dear brother had been feeling inferior, he felt left out. Even being outstanding in sports and work, he felt he was lesser in terms of academics. Never did I know he felt so much for his academic performance till that day, as his peers and colleagues even sis and I were quite similar in terms of academics. We were complacent, totally.

Always, we take things for granted. In life, at times we are so concerned and sensitive in everybody’s feeling. From our friends, our colleagues to our superior etc….but what bout our loved ones, our family……..There’s no regrets nor any ‘If only’…there’s only compassion sentiments for this young boy who too had dreams like you and me.

For us, we are still striving for our goals,
For Siong, he left the world without achieving his objective……

Siong,I keep my FAITH in GOD that you had achieved more than all of us now being in the Kingdom of HIM....everlasting...

Kor Kor

It was 24 July 2008, at about 11.45pm i received a call from Siong after work when he reached home.



"Kor, can i take off on this Sat 27th July?" he requested.



I declined his request, and reminded him that we must draw a line clear between work and personal. It a weekend, nobody were allowed any OFF, furthermore he's already a full time staff..so NO was the decision.





As his usual self, he argued "Why can't! I have important event! The lion dance needs me, there's a event..."



"I need you too." i firmly maintain my stand



"Why must we work and work, no meaning in life!" sounding depressed.



Knowing he was facing aftermaths of a break-up, I understand he might be feeling down but yet i had to maintain my stand at work.



At a age of 20, i believed there's certain level of maturity and understanding which we have not been through. It may seems the direction and priority were a contrast compared to now. Siong did not have the opportunity to see the contrast in himself, in his life. One thing for sure, in this KINGDOM he in now, Siong will understand better,Amen.

Kor Kor

Siong, after much thoughts, in memory of you i had decide to relate my feelings and the events of 27 July 08 onwards...lets share with everyone how you fought bravely with death......

A small little video in memory of our brother, in 1:26, he call out to Dad....'Pa', and i believed it something Dad had been longing for the past year...

10 days to Siong 1st anniversary 28 Aug 08, in fact 27 Aug 08 was the worst.....

On the day of 27 Aug 08.....so many events to relate to

St Anne Church feast day, a traditional event where my mother-in-law will do her part in selling chicken wings....

Cousin Winne' baby birthday celebration......

Cousin Dylan 'wedding gifts' to his in-laws......

And this year on this day of 27th of Aug, relatives are gathering for a light dinner for our late grandpa's birthday, i supposed.

And I supposed we will not be attending......our apology.

Kor Kor

"Di, quick hold Mum!" my sis anxiously pulled my hand towards mum to lean as a support.

"Hold on to Mum ok, i go and made a phone call to Dad!" she instructed calmly...

I panicky asked "Jie, how? What i'm going to do?"

"Just wait!" She impatiently screamed..."Orh...ok ok" i answer unwillingly and looked away...

I turned to Mum, " Ma, you ok? you are in pain?"

Mum reply me in her assurance tone "Don't worry, i'm fine"

At this point Sis returned, in her look-alike commanding style, she in her steady manner " Ok Di, Dad is not answering the call, and it emergency now. We take a cab, then i will leave you with neighbour and Dad will fetch you later, meanwhile i rushed Mum to hospital...ok"

"Orh..." me again

"But...Jie...why Mum in pain....?" I persisted

" Aiyah...Baby Siong Siong coming out lah!" she happily told me....

It was 26 October 1987, Sis was only 10 years old, and me only 8 years old. We were on the way to market in Chong Pang in the morning, when mum felt that she was about to deliver. A young boy at that time could not comprehend some of the events, but remembering it was not difficult.

Sis took Mum to Mount Elizabeth where the opening chapter of Baby Siong Siong life began later in the day.

20 years down the road, 27 Jul 08 we too took Mum to hospital, but it TTSH....for a heart breaking closing chapter of our dear Brother Siong Siong......

We missed You, Siong

Kor Kor

Baby Damien & Baby Breana, the latest members hoping onboard of our family line. Joy and excitement that two of them bring to us for past year. Damien have been growing not only bigger but cheeky, in fact he is not baby anymore, toddler- i supposed. Breana too getting her shape as the day goes, smiley little girl.

One thing for sure when two of them are grown-up eventually, they will be curious to find out who is 'Uncle Siong Siong'.... who left the world as they were coming to this world. Damien was only 3 months old, Breana was only a couple of months in the womb.

Siong came over my place when Damien was 1 week old, trying his best to carry him and i too felt his excitement. When the news of expecting Breana, Siong shared with me that once Breana is born, he will want a photograph with him holding both of them high up.

Siong, though it impossible now.....

I believed Damien & Breana will hold you high up too...in their hearts.

Kor Kor

18 days to your 1st anniversary of departure, Siong. My heart is thumping each day as your anniversary approaching, i believed it goes the same for Pa, Ma, Jie, Jeremy, Da-sao. I wonder anyone with excellent eloquent skill or vocab will able to describe the kind of sentiments we are roughing through, i bet none.

Siong, i do admit nowdays i hold back looking at photograh of yours, i cant hold back any emotions anymore. It time to admit i'm not being strong anymore or rather i wasn't at all this while, since 27 July 08. The initial period, from hospital till today...i seems to be the strongest, but i'm the weakest, i seems to accept it, but i can't.

At times, I'm in a denial stage, denied why my younger brother passed away at 20 yrs old, denied why he had met with such fatal accident, why must be him...so many whys.

Contradicting myself, for HIM to take him back, there must be a good reason, we will never how GOD works his wonder. GOD know what best for us...

I go for the latter, so lets keep our faith strong at the same time lets put our hearts together and cried out in memory of our dear brother, Siong Siong.

Kor Kor

His smiling way and pleasant face

Are a pleasure to recall;

He has a kind word for each

And died beloved by all.

Some day we hope to meet him

Some day, we know not when,

To clasp his hand in the better land,

Never to part again.

Kor Kor

God took him home, it was His Will,

But in our hearts we love him still,

His memory is as dear today As in the hour he passed away.

We often sit and think of him When we are all alone;

For memory is the only friend

That grief can call its own.

PaPa,MaMa,

Jie,Jeremey,

Kor,Da-Sao

Baby Damien & Baby Breana

We are naive creatures. We still want him to appear infront of us, the urge to see him no words can describe. Strange, we should be in celebration of his life, and HIM had a good reason why him was taken back to HIM kingdom. Are we 'man of little faith' on HIM, just like when Jesus rebuked his apostles on a stormy sea journey?

"My Lord, we give this wonderful thanks to you for this wonderful day and we look forward to a better day with your blessing. Do forgive our sins and do forgive us should our faith fail us. Lord, do gave us the strength to strengthen our faith. And keep Siong in your good hands. We ask this through Our Saviour, Jesus, Amen."

A glance of 25 more days will be Siong 1st year anniversary, and currently it made me realised that this month seems so difficult not to think about Siong.

Though we know he left us for a good cause, GOD had his reason for what happened, after all we are still humans and the emotion still runs high . That fatal day had been replaying in my mind daily, just can't help it. Lets keep Siong in our daily prayers regardless of religion, as all for a common ground- good faith.

Here's a prayer for Siong Siong:

"Our Father in Heaven, eternal rest grant onto Siong Siong oh Lord, and let the perpetual light shine upon him.

May he rest in peace.

Amen"

Kor Kor